Rick and Morty Quotes

Voice: This is earth radio. And now, here’s human music. *repetitive rhythmic beeping*
Jerry: hmm. Human music. I like it.

Rick: W-what about that, Morty?
Morty: Okay, okay, you got me on that one.
Rick: Oh, really, Morty? Are you sure you haven’t seen that somewhere in real life before?
Morty: No, no. I haven’t seen that. I mean, why would a pop tart Want to live inside a toaster, Rick? I mean, that would be, like, the scariest place for them to live. You know what i mean?
Rick: you’re missing the Point, Morty. Why would he drive a smaller toaster with wheels? I mean, does your car look like a smaller version of your house? No.

Jerry: Yeah! You like that? Now who’s unremarkable? You hungry for apples? *squeaking intensifies* Are you hungry for apples?! *squeaking stops* *sighs deeply* *chuckles* Oh, my god. That’s the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.

Rick: Uhp, uhp, uhp! Morty, keep your hands off your ding-dong! It’s the only way we can speak freely.

Morty: What’s with mom?
Rick: Oh, what’s with mom? So, you’re saying that she’s acting weird? How soph*burps*isticated. Careful, guys. You’re gonna burn out the CPU with this one.

Mr. Needful: Diabolical son of a motherf-

Rick: Have you acquire creepy specific old stuff from a mysterious antique or thrift store that gives you powers but fucks with you in unforeseeable ways? Bring it to “Curse Purge Plus.” *burps* I use science to un-curse the items for cash, and you get to keep the powers. This guy got mysterious sneakers to make him run faster but guess what? He would have had to run until he died, making them worthless. I removed the curse, making them worth, like, I don’t know, $8 million. See you at the Olympics. This eerily intelligent doll was threatening to murder its family, now it does their taxes.
Doll: Everything’s deductible.
Rick: Don’t pay for cool stuff with your soul, pay for it with money. You know, like how every other store in the world works? We’re located at First and Main in Old Town. Come on-come on down.

Robot: What is my purpose?
Rick: You pass butter.
Robot: Oh, my god!
Rick: Yeah, welcome to the club pal.

Morty: Hey Rick, I have to make a project for the science fair this weekend. You think you could help me out?
Rick: Whatever.
Jerry: Well, I mean, traditionally science-fairs are a father-son thing.
Rick: Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing.

Scroopy Noopers: Is everyone in your family an idiot?
Morty: For sure, me and my dad are.

Morty: Oh, man, what’s going on?
Rick: Well, it’s possible that your dog became self-aware and made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity’s cruel subjugation of his species, but your guess is as good as mine, Morty.

Rick: It’s a device, Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people’s dreams, Morty. It’s just like that movie that you keep crowing about.
Morty: You talking about “Inception”?
Rick: That’s right, Morty. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it’s gonna maybe make sense.
Morty: “Inception” made sense.
Rick: You don’t have to try to impress me, Morty.

Scary Terry: Buckle up, bitch!
Morty: Man, he sure says “bitch” a lot!
Scary Terry: You can run, but you can’t hide, bitch!

Scary Terry: Nothing but fear from here on out, bitch!

Morty: Hey, yo, scary T, don’t even trip about your pants dawg. Here’s a pair on us, fool.
Scary Terry: Aww, bitch.

Rick: *panting* run! *gasps* Morty, do it! Hit the button now!
Morty: I can’t do it, Rick! They’re my parents and sister!
Rick: Morty, I already told you it’s not your family! They’re clones from an alternate reality, possessed by demonic alien spirits from another dimension’s future! Do you need a mnemonic device or something? Just hit the button, already!

Rick: I-I-I-If your adventure sucks and we bail halfway through it, you lose the right to bitch about all future adventures. Plus, you have to do my laundry for a month.